Someday I Will Learn

by Chris
(Chiswick, London, UK)

There is not a day that goes by that I do not think of you. I revel in the torture of memory. A scent, the light of day, a taste - sets it all flooding back in.

I miss you every day and I hate myself for missing you. Every part of me knows you as true north and I am lost at sea.

There is nothing left. When we see each other in a crowded hall, we avert our eyes towards the floor, the ceiling, our wrists; anything that will take us out of that awkward and stunted moment.

I have no memory of what I said to you last. The alcohol robbed me of that.

I am sorry. I am so sorry. I cannot even apologize to your face, so I have to do it here, anonymously thorough a website to a stranger.

I was cold, at times, but I loved you.

I was abrasive, but I meant well. I was more myself with you than I ever was with another. I will never talk to you again. You cut me out of your life like the cancer that I was and I suppose I deserved it.

Someday I will learn.

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