Are Men of a Certain Age Only After One Thing?

by Imogen
(London, UK)

I sat behind two women in their 70s on the train a few months ago.

They were smartly dressed, on their way to some social engagement, and discussing the state of their love lives.

Of course I snapped to attention and eavesdropped shamelessly.

The gist of their discussion centred on the one woman’s ex-boyfriend, a man in his mid-to-late 70s. They’d met at the local Seniors Centre, and got along like the proverbial house on fire. The lady in question was smitten, but a few weeks into the relationship she realised that, “all he wanted was someone to cook and clean for him.”

There was resignation in her voice, but no surprise.

Now, this issue is one that hadn’t occurred to me (single female, mid-forties). If you find yourself starting to date again in your 60s or 70s, is it necessary to re-write the ground rules?

If you’re in your 60s or 70s now, then you probably got married in the 1950s or 1960s, when gender roles were more traditionally defined. Women kept house, cooked and looked after the kids. Men went out to work, hammered things and mowed the lawn.

But times move on.

Men today are expected to pitch in with the housework and cooking. Whether they actually do it or not is another matter altogether. But at least they’re expected to.

So what does a groovy, modern, mid-70s single woman do when presented with a man who expects her to wait on him hand and foot?

Be firm but kind?

“I’m sorry Edgar, I don’t know what time supper will be ready. What time did you make the dinner reservation for?”

Be firm but unkind?

“Excuse me? Does it say “Kitchen Slave” somewhere on my forehead?” Followed by the satisfying THWACK noise the door makes as it hits his arse on the way out.

Maybe the trick is to feign helplessness in things domestic. Follow that age-old male ploy of doing things really badly, in order not to be asked to repeat them.

Burn the grilled cheese, salt the tea, flood the kitchen…

Or just tell him, firmly and calmly, “Sorry, I don’t do that anymore.” Let him know that you’re happy to do things together, but it won’t involve you sweating in the kitchen while he watches the footie with his feet up.

Failing that, do you ditch him for a younger model? Go for a toy-boy in his 50s who knows his way around the kitchen and lives fully in the 21st century?